im your average teenage cliche

But not because I have some need to feel good enough but because I DO feel good enough. I don’t hate myself anymore and that’s what I wanted! But now I just want someone to trust and to have fun with. Someone that will hold my hand and kiss me and someone that will be sweet to me.

It’s going to be hard. I promise. You’ll have bad days, even bad weeks. You’ll weigh more one day than you did the previous. You will lose your footing and forget what you’re going after. That cookie over there will end up in your stomach. But you WILL get to where you want to be. You can do it. Stay strong. One day, we’ll both have beautiful figures. Our hipbones will stick out. We’ll have those dainty wrists we’ve always wanted. Boys can pick us up with ease. Big clothes will look great on us. EVERYTHING will look great on us. We’ll be beautiful, the envy of every girl. We are the future for thinspiration. 

• I will not binge.
• I will only eat candy on Halloween, and try to limit myself.
• I will lose at least 5 pounds.
• I will stay strong.
• I will work out at least 4 times a week.
• I will NOT give up.

Reblog if you’re with me!

I probably say cinnamon buns. But not just any cinnamon buns, Safeway Gourmet cinnamon buns. They are warm and soft and have cream cheese icing. They are about 550 calories in one though. They are delicious, but completely horrible for me. I haven’t eaten one in about 2 months. Maybe when I reach my goal I’ll reward myself with having one. 

Well I thought yesterday was good. I was feeling really run down and tired but I just got up and went for a run. I was proud of that. But anyway, here’s today’s plan:

Breakfast: Kashi toasted berry crisp cereal w/ 1% milk (260 cal), an apple (50 cal) = 310 cal

Lunch: Small salad w/ vinaigrette, 1 slice turkey, tomatoes and cucumbers (75 call), yogurt (100 cal), granola bar (100 cal), mango (70 cal) = 345 cal

Dinner: Whole wheat bagel (270 cal), 1 cup carrots (55 cal), cucumber (10 cal) = 335 cal

Snack: Raspberries (70 cal), an apple and low fat peanut butter (150 cal), two peak frean cookies (130 cal, as a little treat because it’s firday!) = 200 cal

Drink: Water

Exercise: Today’s going to be a day off for the most part I think. I do have fitness in gym though so not totally.

Total: 1340 so far

Yesterday I was proud! I burned 400 and ate over 1200 for once. I was going to weigh myself this morning, because it’s Thursday, but I’m holding off till next Thursday so hopefully I’ll see a little more progress! So here’s today’s plan:

Breakfast: Three egg whites (70 cal, add a little milk, barely any), half a pita (65 cal), an apple (50 cal), Raspberries (70 cal) = 255 cal 

Lunch: Small salad w/ vinaigrette, a little cheese, 1 slice turkey, tomatoes and cucumbers (120 cal) other half of pita (65 cal), 2 tbsp hummus (40 cal) yogurt (100 cal), grapes (30 cal) = 355 cal

Dinner: Lettuce wraps (10 cal) w/ brown rice (115 cal), chicken (150 cal), corn (70 cal) and soya sauce (10 cal) = 355 cal

Snack: Granola bar (100 cal), apple (50 cal) = 150 cal

Drink: Water

Exercise: 35 minute run/jog

Total: 1115 cal so far

And I just calculated it. That’s about 3.5 miles. I’d say that this has turned out to be a pretty productive day. 

I feel tired but I want to exercise. Except I can’t because it’s freezing outside, I can’t go to the gym because it’s closed. I’m afraid I won’t get enough exercise this week and won’t loss any weight again. I just need the gym to be open and for it to be warmer. And I am just so hungry and I want food but it won’t be ready for a long time. 

It’s $400 for the whole year for just me (a student) to get a membership. It’s a little steep but the gym is insanely nice and I have to pay $10 every time I go so I want to ask if I can do that… I have 50 dollars right now so if I get job I’m going to do that I think. 

No, I don’t have an eating disorder and I plan to never have one if I can help it. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to have one.