But not because I have some need to feel good enough but because I DO feel good enough. I don’t hate myself anymore and that’s what I wanted! But now I just want someone to trust and to have fun with. Someone that will hold my hand and kiss me and someone that will be sweet to me.
It’s going to be hard. I promise. You’ll have bad days, even bad weeks. You’ll weigh more one day than you did the previous. You will lose your footing and forget what you’re going after. That cookie over there will end up in your stomach. But you WILL get to where you want to be. You can do it. Stay strong. One day, we’ll both have beautiful figures. Our hipbones will stick out. We’ll have those dainty wrists we’ve always wanted. Boys can pick us up with ease. Big clothes will look great on us. EVERYTHING will look great on us. We’ll be beautiful, the envy of every girl. We are the future for thinspiration.
I probably say cinnamon buns. But not just any cinnamon buns, Safeway Gourmet cinnamon buns. They are warm and soft and have cream cheese icing. They are about 550 calories in one though. They are delicious, but completely horrible for me. I haven’t eaten one in about 2 months. Maybe when I reach my goal I’ll reward myself with having one.
Yesterday I was proud! I burned 400 and ate over 1200 for once. I was going to weigh myself this morning, because it’s Thursday, but I’m holding off till next Thursday so hopefully I’ll see a little more progress! So here’s today’s plan:
Breakfast: Three egg whites (70 cal, add a little milk, barely any), half a pita (65 cal), an apple (50 cal), Raspberries (70 cal) = 255 cal
Lunch: Small salad w/ vinaigrette, a little cheese, 1 slice turkey, tomatoes and cucumbers (120 cal) other half of pita (65 cal), 2 tbsp hummus (40 cal) yogurt (100 cal), grapes (30 cal) = 355 cal
Dinner: Lettuce wraps (10 cal) w/ brown rice (115 cal), chicken (150 cal), corn (70 cal) and soya sauce (10 cal) = 355 cal
Snack: Granola bar (100 cal), apple (50 cal) = 150 cal
I feel tired but I want to exercise. Except I can’t because it’s freezing outside, I can’t go to the gym because it’s closed. I’m afraid I won’t get enough exercise this week and won’t loss any weight again. I just need the gym to be open and for it to be warmer. And I am just so hungry and I want food but it won’t be ready for a long time.
I want to get a membership to the gym my friend and I usually go to.
It’s $400 for the whole year for just me (a student) to get a membership. It’s a little steep but the gym is insanely nice and I have to pay $10 every time I go so I want to ask if I can do that… I have 50 dollars right now so if I get job I’m going to do that I think.
But I didn’t eat great this past weekend and I want to not rely on the scale so much. But I really want to weigh myself tomorrow! On the other hand I’m afraid that if I do weigh myself tomorrow I’ll be the same weight or gained. I think I may just weigh myself tomorrow.. Hmm. It’s such a hard decision. Weigh myself tomorrow = know if I’m on the right track. Weigh myself next Thursday = probably see more progress. I DON’T KNOW!
I was thinking for the inside I could just cut up some tofu, bake it and then put it in a frying pan w/ some brown rice, corn and some soy sauce. Do you think that would be good? Any other ingredients I could add?
Day Sixteen: When did you first decide to lose weight?
I probably decided about 4 years ago that I needed to lose weight. I was never that unhappy with my body until about 8th grade though so I never really tried. But when 8th grade came around I felt so insecure. I was surrounded by skinny people and I realized that I was getting bigger than them all. I tried to lose weight but never stuck with it or starved myself until I gave in and just ate. By the time 9th grade came around I felt awful. I just wanted to weight gone. Between 6th grade and 9th grade I gain 30 pounds. I eventually started working out every so often but never really kept with it regularly or eating right. I always told myself tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. But never did I do it. That was until about a month ago when I just realized I was sick of it! Sick of feeling sad and gross and insecure. So I asked my step dad to take me out grocery shopping, bought some good food and ever since then I’ve been dropping pounds!
Today my friend told me that she was inspired by my blog.
We recently had a huge long talk/argument about how she was going to restrict her eating in order to lose weight. I told her that I didn’t think it was right and that it would only harm her body but she wouldn’t listen to me. But today she told me she was inspired to eat right and exercise in order to lose the weight because of my blog! I’m so proud of her <3
Day Fifteen: Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
No, I’m not vegetarian or vegan. I’ve considered going vegetarian before but I think I would miss my chicken too much! I love fish and veggies so I could probably do the whole vegetarian thing if I wanted but I don’t think I could ever do vegan. I love my eggs. So no, I’m not and I don’t really plan on converting soon. But who knows what’s in the future!
I thought yesterday went excellent so here’s today’s plan. I still have to work on eating enough calories.. it makes me a little nervous thinking about it but once I get to 1200 I feel okay.
Breakfast: Half a pita (100) w/ two egg whites (50 cal), yogurt (100 cal), raspberries (50 cal)= 300 cal
Lunch: Small salad w/ vinaigrette (35 cal), apple w/ low fat peanut butter (150 cal), a granola bar (100 cal), carrots (25 cal) = 300 cal
Dinner: Pickerel (140 cal), carrots (50 cal), cucumber (10 cal), half a yellow potato (50 cal) = 250 cal
Snack: Strawberries (50 cal), 30 pistachios (100 cal), apple w/ low fat peanut butter (150 cal, because it was so good earlier I had it again) = 300 cal
Exercise: None today but some tomorrow for sure.
Total: 1150, oh my god. I just can’t get it up. I’ll have to eat something else after dinner, maybe another apple and peanut butter. It’s difficult! I eat till I’m full! I may have to add a snack in between breakfast and lunch.
Healthy Eating Tip: Cut back on red meat, which can be really high in saturated fat and cholesterol, and go for chicken (or fish) instead. Look for sales at the grocery store on boneless skinless chicken breast then stock up and keep it in your freezer. When you’re ready to eat it, just thaw and cook it. Pair it with some freshly steamed veggies and you’ll save calories, fat, and money!
I went to school, exercised, ate well, walked a lot, ate enough calories, did my laundry, tidied my room, and bagged brown rice in proper serving sizes so I can just grab it whenever I need it instead of having to wait around for it to cook!